Craziness, continued

Tuesday, May. 07, 2013 @ 10:52 a.m.

If only I could tell you my nightmare is gone, but no.

While I find peace as I have my sessions with students, everything is chaotic and toxic. I have lost count of picking up the mess with the marking procedures, or cliffhanger meetings where we are confronted with our nightmares. In my case, to not have a class because my data crunching skills are awesome. (Yes, at my work there's such thing as disaster when you are good) Add weekly press conferences and you get the picture.

I don't know how to deal with my emotions anymore because I am thrown into a pit of chaos, exhaustion and uncertainty every day. The minute I get myself out of the cycle, I am thrown back in next minute with something else.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

-

Sunday, Apr. 21, 2013 @ 9:54 a.m.

There's a lot of toxic that I'm dealing with right now: chaos of aggressive business deals (aka too fast too soon expansion), ridiculous cost cutting measures (yeah, we have Open Office b/c Microsoft is much more expensive, latest move is printing over photocopying for same reasons); abuse dramas (not me but other people)etc.

Currently, I am trying to regain sanity/relieve stress by watching Hell's Kitchen and writing. I just really need cool-off time as it has been drama after drama for the pat 4 months.

I can't wait for summer to regain my calm lol..

In the meantime, stay awesome!

:: Blah Blah Blahs ::

Sunday, Apr. 14, 2013 @ 4:44 p.m.

Plan to Zoo last month 16 was cancelled last min thx to JOKF's flu. But ANPY saved me by inviting my first to Central Market to look at an Art Bazaar Exhibition. There was introduced to a new crazy cool banana friend EL. Then head over to New Black Coffee Lab for tea and creative art activity <3.

But finally met up with JOKF/JR reunion yday in Paradigm instead. And finally get to meet JOKF's Hazie <3. But thanks to this, I missed T&S Coachella live, hence slept late to catch the rebroadcast (thank god!!).

Last month was terrible. This month is gonna be terrible as well... well let's see for the incoming days of this month. So I wanna start anew and cut my hair really short 31/03 after for a very long time.

Fool's day lunch with CLH @ S.Zanmai, 03 dinner after work 'til 12.30am with KLFH in PJS2. Am getting tired of everyone's selfishness and unorganized planning.

LYP's first Bday celebration (last yr it landed in public holz) and congratulatory 1 yr with us. We got her suprised good and had Sukiya for lunch for over 2 hrs (oopps ;p). But next day I had a bad case of PMS =.=.

Election day is coming... campaigns and flags all over..... I feel like this girl I saw in 9gags, crying about when will it stop. It's important I know, but seeing both con/pro on both sides... and pro-supporters on both sides banging me up over and the lack of self knowledge on parties' history... makes me feel like I wanna be a fence-sitter.

//Sigh.

- DD

Ramblings of the idealist

Sunday, Mar. 17, 2013 @ 2:35 a.m.

I have been sick recently. Usually, I detest flus because they just mean medicine and sleep. However, this flu brought a much-needed time of reflection.

As a Montessori educator, people often asked me if I would want to switch back to mainstream schools, especially with better pay and benefits. But so far, the answer is still no.

Why? Because I am probably in teaching for the craziest reason. While some see themselves as gardeners or are in the classroom for the holidays, I see myself as the conservator who restores young souls from their wounds of abuse, bullying, cross-cultural issues, family politics and toughening up (that's for my fellow idealists).
Perhaps, because I have been there, or perhaps, it's so easy for me to see through these unspoken stories and open people up to me.

However, violence and anger are my limits. So yes, I won't be going for special ed or be a counselor.

When I am exhausted from dissecting stories, I am often writing, viewing art or being in a heated debate with my rationalist brother. (Thank God he is here to police my many ideas) For me, all of above shed my emotions and ideas and make them something meaningful.

But overtime, I found my poems/stories better others in various others. One reader told me to finish my semi-autobiography on emotional abuse as he relates to it; a few relished the artistic essences during their writer's block and I don't know how many I took back in time with my historical stories. Looking back, it's amazing to have prevented a suicide, made a war known and healed various wounds in my double life. In turn, I am priviledged to listen to many touching stories, make beautiful art, learn French and bicker off at how we should run an NGO. I def. owe a few very special people for this. S and Q who complement me with their rationalist wits, pragmatic views and intellect. And A, my fellow dreamer who always strive to better the world. What could I do without you? Sounds like I will stil be detonating wounds with that biker jacket and heels eh?

:: Jump or Die ::

Sunday, Mar. 10, 2013 @ 9:41 p.m.

DNC got into 2 car accidents, less than a week span from each other. Thus he's banned from driving any car to work 'til his co. car's fixed up, that maniac >.>

02 CCH's bday, DNC's sudden news abt bringing a 'friend' over for lunch. Also had dinner with Maney at coco steamboat.

07 friggin finally get to open that way overdue yeesang, thx to 3 ppl who kept delaying it >.>

~~Planning Zoo trip with way overdue rendezvous with JOKF & JR. Hope this plan works out, unlike DNC commitment to classes =.=~~ Screw it, they are just like DNC. But ANPY saved me! =D

My HOTML finally kicked me up into the new outlook-look. At least I can still do personalize mail (thank god! had me worried there!). Now waiting for msn to do me up to skype forcefully.

Slowly tackling my 'things-to-do' list. 01 finally finished 'Holy Dance(rs)' after abt 1-2 yrs!! Woohoo!! The longest and prob my fav piece. Now oughta to start crackin' on rebuilding my DnA site all over again =x.

Planning/motivating myself abt the big trip. I should go but the prep/finance/ppl is troublesome-ling =x.

It's 'jump and live! otherwise regret and die!' situation. Should remind myself constantly I have 1 life, time's running short, take chances and start living with deattachment to materialism/security/conformity of this world!

Today's inspiration: Marina Abramović & Ulay. T'is 'round the yr I get in touch with my inner creative side, I guess