-

16 September 2007 @ 4:44 p.m.

This is originally from Jeffrey Fisher's Astrology site, I think it's pretty interesting and humorous, and some of them are definitely true (for me at least)!

How To Break Up With A Fire Sign (Part 1 of the Breaking Up Series)
Jara aka BlahBlah writes for 'Seduction Central' on Saturdays. (Thanks, Jeff!)

Disclaimer: This blog entry is for humorous and educational purposes only. Adhere to the following advice at your own risk.

Yes, breaking up is hard to do. And it's so much harder when your soon-to-be-ex is an amusing Aries, a lovely Leo, or a smart Sagittarius. If you've ever dated fire signs, then you know that breaking up with them is nearly impossible, especially if they don't want to break up with you. In that case, they'll pull out all the stops to win you back, which can be a very tempting proposition for you. Assuming you're truly ready to move on from your Aries, Leo or Sagittarius, you'll need all the help you can get to make the breakup stick. Here's a guide to initiating (and surviving) a breakup with a fire sign.

The Break-Up Strategy

Breaking up with an Aries requires some foresight (not a trait that Aries is known for having, by the way). Without a plan of action, the probability of getting pulled into a knock-down, drag-out fight is very high if Aries even suspects for one second that you're voluntarily walking away from the relationship first (keyword with Aries). The least painful tactic (for you) is to convince Aries that it's his or her idea to break up with you. Become the antithesis of what Aries respects: a lazy, unfocused and indecisive coward. To make sure the breakup sticks, adopt a new pessimistic outlook on life. Whenever Aries comes to you excited about a brand new venture, point out all the reasons why the venture is the worst idea in the history of ideas. Make sure to point out flaws in Aries' plan only ONCE, though, because repeating yourself will signal to Aries that an argument is on the horizon. Naturally, an argument may turn Aries on and lead to some break-up-to-make-up sex. If that happens, you'll have to start all over from scratch, except now Aries thinks you're playing the "Breakup Game" as foreplay for another enthusiastic sex session.

Leo is a very loyal sign, so breaking up can be extra tricky. In order to escape from Leo unscathed, you must commit to putting aside your ego for the greater good of the breakup. As with Aries, the goal here is to get Leo to break up with you. There are two surefire ways to having a relatively stress-free parting with a Leo:

1.) Go light on the praise and remove the words "thank you" from your vocabulary, but lay the criticism on heavy (especially in front of someone Leo admires)

AND/OR

2.) Convince Leo you're not worthy of being in the relationship.

Examples of tactic #2 include getting demoted (or better yet, fired) for doing something Leo can't put a positive spin on or being seen in public looking significantly less groomed than normal (or as Leo expects). The beauty of convincing Leo you're unworthy is that you'll just be confirming what Leo already thinks, so this will be very easy. The exception is if you're a super, duper great catch (to Leo). In that case, don't bother with #2 because Leo will just hang onto the relationship even tighter. The worst thing you can do at this point is raise Leo's suspicions that a dumping is around the corner or those paws will dig in and the Lion or Lioness will refuse to be "convinced" that breaking up is for the best. When all else fails, cease all forms of physical affection and that will have the Leo sealing the breakup deal faster than you can spell G-E-T L-O-S-T.

Since Sagittarius appreciates and respects honesty, you can breakup with Sagittarius using a straightforward approach. Luckily, the famous Sagittarius sense of humor will go a long way in helping a breakup remain amicable. Sagittarius may have even been contemplating whether he or she really likes being in the relationship in the first place. This, of course, makes your job a lot easier. Sag may try to find out the reason behind your decision if the relationship is a good one to him or her. He or she will most likely play things cool by cracking some jokes about how they'll catch you in the next lifetime. To a Sag's way of thinking, the breakup provided food for thought, another life lesson learned, and yet another friend to add to his or her ever-expanding collection of buddies.

The Ex-Files

Unless you have extremely compatible personalities, don't expect to be friends with Aries after the relationship ends. As a matter of fact, don't be surprised if Aries deals with the breakup by auditioning new admirers as your replacement immediately after your breakup.

Leo makes a wonderful ex if allowed to save face during the breakup. The benefits of Leo as an ex is that his or her benevolent nature almost guarantees that you will receive help in your times of need (especially if you two share any children).

Sagittarius rarely dwells on the past, so there is great potential for you and your Sagittarius ex to be best friends even after the breakup (but only if you dealt with the situation honestly).

How to Break Up With an Earth Sign (Part 2 of the Breaking Up Series)
Jara aka BlahBlah writes for 'Seduction Central' on Saturdays. (Thanks, Jeff!)

Disclaimer: This blog entry is for humorous and educational purposes only. Adhere to the following advice at your own risk.

If you�ve ever been in a relationship with a tender Taurus, virtuous Virgo, or a committed Capricorn, then you know how it feels to be with a partner who wants to be your biggest asset. But what happens when your earth sign mate has become a liability? Here�s how to make a clean break with a Taurus, Virgo, or Capricorn:

The Breakup Strategy

Taurus doesn�t like change � even if the change is for the better. This quality is what makes breaking up with Taurus challenging, especially for signs that don�t like change anymore than Taurus does (that means you, Cancer) or who would prefer that a problem solve itself (yes, I�m talking to you, Pisces). You want the quickest way to break up with Taurus? It doesn�t exist. When you entered into a relationship with Taurus, you made an agreement to be in it for the long haul and you must honor that agreement. This includes enduring a long breakup. Begin by weaning Taurus out of your relationship by failing to cater to the Bull. Stop cooking all those great meals. Don�t run any more bubble baths. No more late night massages! If this doesn�t work, try introducing Taurus to someone who cooks better than you.

Breaking up with Virgo is actually very simple. Virgo is a mutable sign, which means that the Virgin easily adapts to new stimuli. In this case, the new stimuli would be you wanting to break up. Expect many questions about how you came to your decision. Although the chain of questions will seem endless, it�s just Virgo�s way of gathering more information for future reference. Not answering the questions only inspires more questions, so carve out some time to satiate Virgo�s curiosity and you�ll be home free!

Capricorns are usually the ones doing the dumping, so breaking up with them is relatively easy � as long as you let them be the boss of the breakup. Present yourself as a loser without future earning potential or any interest in money or status what-so-ever. No matter how many times the Goat introduces you to a great mentor in your career field, say you�re not sure this is the right step for you. The Capricorn will fire you from the relationship for being an unsuitable mate (aka business partner). If you don�t let Capricorn dump you, then look forward to changing jobs, bank accounts, and social security #s in order to protect yourself from the Capricorn wanting to get revenge against you (especially if your goat has Venus in Scorpio).

Ex-files

Unless you broke Taurus� trust, a Taurus ex will probably be in your life forever in some way or another (especially if you have kids together). If you married Taurus without a prenuptial agreement (how�d you manage that?), then be prepared for a long battle in court if you want to leave the marriage with anything Taurus wants to keep, like the car, the house, the kids, or YOU. If you�re moving out of the home you�ve built with the Bull, make sure to clearly mark all of your belongings. It will make packing so much easier.

You will enjoy Virgo better after a breakup than you did during the relationship. Not only do you still get the constructive �advice,� but Virgo might even help you reorganize your life after it falls apart due to Virgo�s highly noticeable absence. If you share children with Virgo, you won�t have to fight for joint custody, but you will have to endure Virgo frequently correcting and criticizing your parenting style.

The great thing about a Capricorn ex is that the Goat won�t kiss and tell about your breakup. It will be as if you never existed at all�

How to Break Up With an Air Sign (part 3 of the Breaking Up Series)
This post was written by Jara aka BlahBlah, who writes for 'Seduction Central' on Saturdays. (Thanks, Jeff!)

Disclaimer: This blog entry is for humorous and educational purposes only. Adhere to the following advice at your own risk.

Ah, air signs. So breezy. So much fun. So deceptively low maintenance. Who would want to break up with one? If the answer to that question is you, then you're in luck. Here's an easy-breezy guide to how to get out of your relationship with a gregarious Gemini, likeable Libra or abstract Aquarius.

The Breakup Strategy

Geminis are probably the most difficult of the three air signs to break up with because you are in a relationship with (at least) two people who happen to have the same face. Yes, the Twins are a handful. You probably fell in love with the charming twin. The Charmer is the smooth talker that always manages to say the right thing at the right time. You've tried to break up with Gemini before, but The Charmer kept you coming back for more. The other twin makes you remember why you wanted to end the relationship in the first place. Let's call this one The Actor. The Actor will try on different moods to provoke a certain response out of his audience (in this case, you). Why? Purely for entertainment purposes. The difficulty in breaking up with Gemini comes in if you're not prepared to handle both of the Twins at the same time (either one can appear and disappear at will). Don't try to break up with The Charmer by having a two-way conversation. This twin will just talk you out of your decision. Send a quick "we're over" text message or email. The Charmer will appreciate the brevity and try to contact you. Don't pick up the phone, answer the door or respond to any written communications. After two weeks, The Charmer will have moved on to someone or something else. Leaving The Actor is harder because this twin has a seemingly endless amount of scripts to choose from. This one will enjoy the drama of the breakup and milk it for all it's worth. When you're emotional, he acts like he couldn't care less. When you're distant, he's passionate. And so on...The Actor has more stamina than The Charmer. Expect to hear back from him for a long time after the official breakup.

Breaking up with Libra is relatively easy. Make the breakup as pleasant as possible. This sign does not handle anger well at all, and can be very unpredictable when agitated. For example, Libra could snap and start smashing plates, only to act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened 10 seconds later. In other words, don't get Libra upset. The best way to keep Libra in a pleasant mood is to create a beautiful atmosphere for the breakup. Take Libra to his or her favorite restaurant (public places are great for keeping Libra's anger in check because they don't like making scenes). Keep the enjoyable conversation flowing (helps set up the sneak attack later). Casually mention your solo future plans. Libra will notice the lack of "we" in your plans and ask you about it. Use this as your opener to discuss why you think it's best for both of you to explore other opportunities for happiness (don't worry, Libra understands euphemisms). Resist suggestions to go to couples counseling. Don't answer the "What can I do to make things better?" question Libra is surely to ask. Whatever you do, don't blame Libra. This will make Libra defensive and start a passive-aggressive, never-ending (although reasonable) debate that you have no chance in hell of winning (unless you're a Gemini). Remember to tell Libra that you have no hard feelings and would like to remain friends (regardless of whether this is true or not). If you don't care to take this long route down Breakup Blvd., then simply forget your manners at all times and/or introduce Libra to her dream date. She'll thank you in the future by sending you an invitation to their wedding.

There are two types of Aquarians. The optimal breakup strategy differs according to which Aquarian you're trying to dump. There's the Aquarian ruled by Saturn (keywords: structure, convention) that is now used to being in a relationship and will resist change. Then there's the more widely known version of Aquarius ruled by Uranus (keywords: free-thinking, unconventional) that already has one foot out the door. Obviously, the latter doesn't require much convincing to accept his walking papers. Tell him it's been fun, but you've outgrown the relationship. However, the Saturn-ruled Aquarius...now that's another story. She will hate that she's emotionally dependent on you, but will still try to hold onto the relationship. Be prepared to watch the inner battle Aquarius wages with himself over this contradiction. Contrary to popular belief, Aquarians don't dislike being in relationships. They dislike being in confining relationships. Paradoxically, if you allowed them their freedom to come and go as they please, they will not give up the relationship without a fight. After all, Aquarius is a fixed sign and can be very stubborn. The easiest way to get an Aquarius to let go is to start restricting freedoms (think prison guard), become a professional nagger (think PMS-ing Mommy), and take every opportunity to treat others as if they're beneath you (think royalty). Remember to maintain a holier than thou attitude while fighting to keep the status quo of inequality for all, and you won't have to worry about spending your Saturdays participating in another peace protest or recycle program against your will ever again.

The Ex-Files

Geminis can be the exes from heaven or hell. It really depends on what you liked most about them. If you enjoyed their stimulating company and all the funny jokes they cracked, you'll have a friend for life. If you expected to have a white, picket-fence house, 2.5 kids, and a dog named Skippy with your Gemini, then the relationship probably left a bitter aftertaste in both of your mouths. Regardless of whether things ended on good or bad terms, prepare to be bad-mouthed whenever someone asks Gemini why things didn't work out between you two. File for full custody of the children.

You're probably still a bit in love with your Libra ex. That's OK. It happens to the best of us. Why does this happen? Well, Libra probably spent most of the time being (or trying to be) your ideal mate, so it's hard to let go of that fantasy. And it doesn't help matters that she still flirts with you as if it's your first date. Libra will probably work out a fair custody agreement re: the children. Don't expect to be the favorite parent.

If you're a fire or air sign, you're still good friends with your Aquarius ex - meaning you speak to him every several months or so to play catch up. If you're a water or earth sign, you're wondering why you feel as if you were temporarily abducted by aliens. Aquarius will want to be on good terms with you, but you won't understand why.